CBE

Dear baby boy,
so sweet and unborn,
i felt you kick
and knew of your exsistence from the begining
thinking of you was the thing that got me through some days...
picturing what your little face would look like,
if you would be sassy like your daddy,
sweet and kind hearted like your mommy,
my only sister.
i've never had a nephew...
never really gotten to be an aunt.. do auntie things,
like have sleep overs and get you all hyped up on sugar and send you home to mamma as a secret joke.
or take you to the zoo..
or teach you sweet dance moves.
i have dreamt of you for months. picutred you,
felt you,
my sister has dreamt of you for years.
known you. carried you.
baby i dont understand why you weren't able to come to us.
why you were taken away before we had the chance to see the color of your beautiful eyes.
before you had a chance to open them.
i don't understand why, and sometimes im angry...
angry my sister doesnt have you in her arms right now,
angry i dont get to see you laugh or crawl...
but i just try to have faith that everything happens for a reason.
because thats what everyone keeps saying, and i want to believe its true
i know we will know you someday sweet baby carter..
i wish that day was today.
but i will continue to dream of you,
as i know she will.
we all will.
you will still be the dream that gets me through the days,
and now i can picture your sweet little face.